craterchest (craterchest) wrote in everyone_fails,

1. Why are you applying?
Well, my second job, aside from being a robot, is a detective. I investigate homicides, but my most recent case is kinda boring (a couple was burned to death in their empty swimming pool) and the family is annoying, so I've been surfing the web for good recipes on peach cobbler, and I came across this website. I almost passed it, but the police captain was walking around the room, so I had to look busy.

2. Why do you feel you will be a good member for this community, and what do you plan to do to remain active?
I've practiced shooting a gun before. Unfortunately, there was a school bus in the way. But after some bribing, it's all been taken care of. Umm, I also have an extensive collection of movie-based cereal boxes. FYI don't try the Gone With the Wind Flakes, they're kinda stale now. I plan on stalking everyone after I join, and switching around their doorknobs on their houses. It'll fuck with them for a while.

3. What are your views on candied apples? Well, what is there to say about them? They've been extinct for millions of years. Sure they roamed the Earth for several millenia, but due to their cold-blooded circulatory system and gargantuan bodies, they were not prepared to adapt to a sudden change in temperature. Thus entered the reign of the mammals.

4. Would you prefer to be reincarnated as a moth or a mushroom? That's hard to say. Moths are butterflies' Satanical incarnate alter-ego. Moths spread the spores of sin from their wings and have been known to cause earthquakes in California by flapping their wings in China.
Mushrooms on the other hand, do this.

5. Why shouldn't we reject you? Why would you want to? I already have your personal information, and you're currently within range of my air rifle. I think we all know the smart choice.
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